The Struggle Is Real

I was seventeen when I first got a job at a Timmy's in California. I only worked there for a week this month, but let me tell you, it was not my métier. The job application looked very thorough, so I thought it was a good idea. I was wrong. Using big words, they deceived people and lured them into applying for the job. They used words like "conviviality " and "excogitate."

 I contemplate, Alex, was it worth it? No freaking way. My mom told me that morning "Get a job! You just sit here all day trying to learn how to Jiju on the Beet! I'm not sure that dance is very appropriate young man!" Classic Mom.

 I was working under minimum wage with only a few tips an hour! I wasted the whole day bawling the word "TIMMY'S!" every time someone walked through the door.

Timmy's is a worse version of the popular restaurant Chipotle. The place loses thousands of dollars every single day. And only the most aggravating customers saunter through the door. And don't forget, the divas.

"I need a half-vegan-half-meat steak burrito with half a cup of pinto beans and lettuce sitting exactly one inch from the beans with gluten-free whole wheat bread. It needs to be warmed to exactly 110°. Also I need some croutons with that aannnddd with seven seconds of it under black light. Also some wild boar farm tomatoes. And the best hot salsa you've got."

"You want the North Pole too?" I joke.

"EXCUSE ME?! Do you know who I am?! I'm Mercedes Pendragon! Ya! Pendragon! I practically own this restaurant! The costumer is alsways right! Now... hurry up Jeeves." 

Albeit she was annoying, I couldn't afford getting fired on my first day. And right in that moment, my co-worker Ali walked up to her.

"O-M-G Mercedes! Hey girrll! I gotcha!" This wasn't Ali's normal voice. She sounded like any annoying valley girl. She the proceeded to walk to the back with her "special burrito". Nightmare then sashayed her way out of the restaurant while clicking her Loubotins loudly as she jumped into her S-Class Mercedes-Benz Sedan. Satan-in-human-form also left without paying.

"That's Mayor Pendragon's daughter. We have to serve her, or else we all get fired. She's a real @*!$&." Pessimistic Ali is back.

I wasn't so fortunate with the next costumer to have Ali save me. She was like BMW or Maserati or whatever her name was, but wasn't a diva. She was worse. She was an extreme-couponer.

"Of course sweetie, I'll get your burritos for you... no I love you... kisses!" The maniac grandma then began to kiss her phone so she would "leave her kisses in her husband's ear." The restaurant closed in about twenty minutes, so this was probably my last costumer.

"Do you work here?"

"I'm literally right behind the counter..." 

"Good, well I just want a 10 plain barbacoa burritos."

"That's it?" I said sarcastically.

"Yes kind young man." Clearly she didn't catch on.

 So I started to make the ten burritos. Since there was no one else in the store, I didn't explain to her that she should have called ahead. The lady then has the nerve. She has the nerve! To pull out a portfolio of coupons.

"Whacha doin?"

"Well, how do you think I'm going to pay for all of this?" She then grabs every chips and cookies and says to ring them up.

 "Ring them up please."

"All that stuff plus the ten burritos?!"

"Actually, I want all the ingredients also."
 I ring up all the food, and you won't believe the total.

"Well, since you bought our entire store... Your total comes to five thousand two hundred eighty-four dollars and sixty-nine cents. I smirked knowing she couldn't pay for it, but she lifted her portfolio and tapped it twice.

The coupons fly out! Left! Right! I'm on a surprise episode of Extreme Couponing! The lady was probably going for the world record! After about five hundred coupons fly out, she looks at me like I'm actually going to ring them up!

"No way lady! The store closed like ten minutes ago! I refuse to do this!"

The lady went home, and didn't actually report it to my boss! The next time though, I lost hope for a decent job.

"Can I have a water cup?"

"Ya sure kid. Here ya go." 

The kid makes his way over to the fountain and dabs. Then fills it with Coke. Coke!

"Hey kid, that's a water cup. If you want a soda, you have to pay for it." 

The kid just glared at me and then began to fill it with Dr. Pepper while still looking at me!

"That's it! I'm freaking done with this!"

I dramatically stormed out the door. Tesla or Porsche would be proud.

One tip of advice. Don't work in fast food. Ever.